I’ve fought for you. The one thing I vowed to myself that I would never do. That was until I met you. I also promised myself that I wouldn’t find for someone if it wasn’t for the right reasons. You gave me hope and you in a sense, fixed me. You made me whole again. When I met you I was so shattered, broken, and as far as from 100 as possible. But as time grew on us, I grew with you, and you grew on me. This past year with you has been definitely one to remember. I’ve never wanted someone so much. I’ve never wanted to love someone so much until there was you. You and I have never ever once had a rough patch.. until now. 

I don’t know what’s so different now. We’ve been here before yes, and we’ve always came out on top because there wasn’t anything that we couldn’t weather. You were my rock, you kept me together, therefore in turn, I kept us together. you know how I feel. from my heart, inside to out. There isn’t an ounce about me that you don’t know. And you see me for the person that I am on the inside, and you look past all my luggage, my scars. You understand me more than I understand myself, and you know how to hold my heart. But lately, i’ve been kind of questioning, why have I not been able to do the same for you. I know how you feel.. but to an extent. I know you know that there’s an emotional connection.. but I don’t believe you truly see the whole picture. But other than acknowledging that there is a connection there, i really don’t know how you see us. I don’t know what we are to you, from your point of view. You can do everything and anything you want, but you can’t just do the one small thing I want from you. It’s not like I’m even asking you to shoot yourself for me. 

All I’m asking is for you to trust me. I need you and i know you need me. You are my better half and the higher me, but I just need you to know that i care about you deeply and I’m never going to let you go. not today, not tomorrow, not ever. I’m never going to stop fighting for you until the day we die. Because I want to be with you. i want to marry you. I want to call you mine forever. i want to wake up to you. i want to be happy, but i want to be happy with you.

I can’t wait until December. You and I will have our own place. No one to tell us what to do. No one to come in between. Just you and me. We can get that snake you’ve been wanting while I get that cute medium size dog whom I have no clue as to what breed it is. Everything will be okay. I know. You said that living with you might be tough, but honestly. I don’t care. Because waking up next to your face, the smile you’ll give me when you wake up and I’m staring at you in awe, the look you’ll give me when I make you breakfast, the time we can share together when it’s just us and no one else around to judge, will all e worth it.
I can’t wait to just be there with you. I’m doing this so I can grow up. And having someone to be there by my side was not part of the plan, but I’m glad that you want to stay by my side as I grow up.
Soon these late night phone calls won’t happen anymore because I’ll be having my angel lay right next to me every night. I want to take care of you. I want to love you. I want to be there for you. And I want to hold your hold for however long time will allow and as long as you let me.

Massaging your feet when you get home from a long day. Running your bath water. I can’t wait to cater to you. You make my life so much easier by just existing, so consider this a small gesture of what you do for me. I know youre not use to people taking care of you, but I’m not just any random person. I’m me, and I want to be the one to take care of you as long as you let me.

I cant wait. :)
//endsap

As long as you’re okay, then, we’re okay.

The last thirty days have definitely not been easy on me. Waking up constantly from my sleep in the quietest hours of the night, shedding a few tears to a stream running down my face evening to evening, and having a 24 hour time period feel like 60 hours.

Every one said that I should give up on you. They said that you weren’t worth it and that I don’t need to be in this position again. Given, they’re correct about me not having to be here again, but I didn’t listen. I didn’t listen because although they know about us, they don’t really know about us. They don’t know the things that we’ve been through. They don’t know everything that we overcame together. They don’t know our relationship to the deepest of feelings. We’re sort of like Beyonce & Jay-Z. They know that we’re together but they don’t know what really happens off set. You are the only person that has ever been to completely heal my wounds and eventually fix me.

You’re the only one that has stuck it out for me. You’re the only one who was willing to hold my hand to make sure that everything with me was okay. You’re the only one that has ever been able to handle me and all that I am. You’re the only one that knows my thoughts even though I don’t say them aloud. You’re the only who has ever been able to hold my heart and not break it. Sure we have our dips every now and then but those don’t ever last long. The rock that we just climbed was the only boulder in our relationship thus far, and hopefully the last. I know our relationship from here on out isn’t going to be anywhere near perfect and we’ll have our rocks, but as long as you’re by my side, it’s going to be okay. 

I did a lot of lying, crying, and all in all some pretty scandalous shit for us to be okay. But honestly, it’s okay because hearing you say the words “We’re going to be okay” while looking into my eyes an being comforted by your arms and a kiss was all worth it. It was all worth it. I didn’t ever just throw around the L word out at just anybody. I’ve been in many relationships previous, but none of them have ever been as real to me as what we have now. Like I said, as long as you keep fighting for me, I’ll keep fighting for you, and we’ll keep fighting for us. 

I need you, and I’m going to stick by your side for however long time will allow me to. 

No one knows everything you’re going through. So whatever you need to do it to get through it, do it. And you don’t have to apologize for anything.